A new year brings new writing projects
Oldman Triumphant: A Darkest Hour movie review

Movie Anti-Review: The Last Jedi

I've put up a few movie reviews here, but this is my first "anti-review."

I define an anti-review as an explanation for why I'm not going to bother seeing the movie at all.

I've expressed my misgivings about the series before, but up0n further reflection, the deciding reason I'm not going to see The Last Jedi is that I simply don't care about anyone in it.

These characters are utterly uninteresting.  They have no depth and no screen presence.  In fact, they are so bland, I can't even remember the names.  I think of them as Mary Sue, Failed Stormtrooper and Fighter Pilot.

If the "big reveal" was that one of them died, I'd be completely indifferent because there's no "there" there with any of them.

The original cast was lightly sketched, but they had personality and drew upon fun archetypes.  These guys, not so much. 

Ironically, Rogue One has much more interesting characters, but being Hollywood they killed them all off because That's Dramatic and also Tragic. 

It was also - given the plot as presented - stupid.  In heroic space fantasy there are myriad ways to kill people off (don't I know it!) - the trick is to make it meaningful.  The deaths in Rogue One felt contrived, not dramatic or heroic.  Maybe if their tactics hadn't been so stupid...but I digress.

The funny thing about this latest installment is that even Mark Hamill can't stomach it.  There are lots of youtubes showing him damning the thing with faint praise.

Now actors don't always know much about film-making, but I've noticed a recurring theme of his is that big duel between Darth Emo and Super Jedi Girl was totally botched.  He notes that when he read the script and he got to the part where the old lightsaber starts twitching in the snow he assumed this was where Luke entered and saved the day.

He's absolutely correct.  That would have been the perfect parallel to the scene in Empire where Luke first learns to use the force to retrieve his lightsaber.  Luke would then have used his superior skill to defeat (for the moment) Darth Emo and this would also parallel (in an inverse way) the master/apprentice situation in the first trilogy.

Instead, Jedi Super Girl completely implausibly saved the day by herself and Luke was reduced to a cameo that took less actual screen time than the journey montage that preceded it.

That's the kind of poor plot choices that I can't handle at this point in my life.  If I went to the theater, I'd either walk out, want to walk out, or curse constantly under my breath.

I'll probably watch it eventually when it's free on dish or something, and I'll make it into a drinking game or something fun.

But actually seeing the film in a theater would be a chore, so I'm going to skip it.



Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

Verify your Comment

Previewing your Comment

This is only a preview. Your comment has not yet been posted.

Your comment could not be posted. Error type:
Your comment has been posted. Post another comment

The letters and numbers you entered did not match the image. Please try again.

As a final step before posting your comment, enter the letters and numbers you see in the image below. This prevents automated programs from posting comments.

Having trouble reading this image? View an alternate.


Post a comment

Your Information

(Name and email address are required. Email address will not be displayed with the comment.)